breakup · college · life · love · travel

A Break Up Isn’t A Break Up Unless It’s Messy

You know how they say “when it rains, it pours”? Well, lately my life has felt like a torrential downpour. I do have endless things to be thankful for, don’t get me wrong, but I have been seeing quite a few doors close in my face lately. Exhibit A:

Quick back story: I had been seeing this guy for 10 months but we dated in high school and kept in contact for my first two years of college as well. We were 9 hours apart for 8 out of the 10 months of our relationship because I’m in college and he works in my hometown. So, when I got accepted to study abroad in the United Kingdom for the spring semester, it put an even bigger strain on our relationship. Over Thanksgiving break, I went back home and he told me he felt like with the distance, we needed to break up.

Here’s the issue: When you break up with someone, you need to do just that – BREAK. When you try to be friends, still hang out, go to dinner, text, and make plans, it’s not a break up. I’ll call it relationship limbo because that’s exactly what it is. Especially in a long distance relationship when you’re used to not seeing the other person, the only difference is texting less and not saying “I love you”. It is two people just waiting. Waiting with no where to go.

Then, the inevitable happens. One of you takes the first step. Goes on a date, starts texting someone new, or gets set up on a date by friends. The other person angry because one of you is moving on and leaving them behind. How could they do such a thing! …but wait, didn’t you guys break up? Why are you upset? Or better yet, are you allowed to be upset because that person isn’t yours anymore? Those blurred lines from the decision that you thought was so mature come back to bite you where it hurts most. You try to talk text it out but anger and hurt and quick responses take over.

No, you don’t want to do it like this, this was never what was intended. But it’s happening and you can’t stop it. Suddenly, that significant other went from being a good friend to a complete stranger. You hear the words coming out of their mouth read the words coming onto your cell phone screen and they look foreign to you. You don’t recognize this angry person. And it kills you inside because you don’t want to end it like this. You don’t understand. Until suddenly, it hits you…

THIS is the break up. The one you never had.

We can’t all be Cory and Topanga.


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